


You Can't Sell Dreams to Someone Who Has Walked Through Nightmares

by Rainieva



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I promise, Love Confessions, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, Nightmares, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sickness, Slow Burn, i love these boys
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2019-05-09 07:52:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14712104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainieva/pseuds/Rainieva
Summary: Thomas isn't okay.Thomas has been hit with - what seems to be - a rough bought of depression but refuses to consult his sides about it and Virgil won't leave his room, leaving the personas to only guess the cause of this... situation as they slowly realize that this is more than just some dilemma for them to bicker over.





	1. Don't Worry, I'll Stay in the Darkness Where I Belong

**Author's Note:**

> Warning! Angst ahead! Be prepared to read the angst!
> 
> Word Count: 4764

_ Thomas isn’t okay. _

 

It had been weeks since Thomas had chosen to make a video about one of the many dilemmas plaguing his life. Of course, it wasn’t the lack of a dilemma, it was the lack of Thomas’ willingness to talk about it. This was particularly odd because this was the entire reason for the videos in the first place; to work through his problems. 

 

Not everyone could simply let their own personality manifest, let alone, let each facet develop something like a personality of their own. In the beginning, the sides were just that- merely portions of Thomas’ single personality- but as time went on, the continued interactions between the five of them let the sides develop thoughts and feelings that were somewhat separate from their host. Not completely, just a bit. It was much like having conflicting feelings on a situation, which isn’t uncommon when it comes to the human mind and soul, but Thomas had managed to let these parts of himself to manifest and take on a form all their own, thus leading to the eventual evolution of the sides of himself through experience and their interactions with their host and each other in a more physical way than before.

 

Now, they were able to live together in Thomas’ mind, when the wern’t helping him solve the aforementioned dilemmas. This was possibly due to the fact that they had slowly become more self aware within Thomas, so they were able to maintain their own ‘physical’ form within the mindspace that they called ‘The Commons’. They each had their own room, as well, which is where they usually spent most of their time but with all of this ‘soul searching’ Thomas had been doing until recently, they had begun spending more time in the commons together. This leads back to the topic at hand; Thomas’ blatant refusal to talk about anything that had happened to make him so distressed.

 

Crumpling another sheet of paper, Logan tosses it into a nearby waste bin, teaming with similar smushed wads of discarded plans. As the logical part of Thomas’ personality, he felt that it was his job to figure out why the host had no interest in speaking with any of them anymore. He leans back in the black desk chair, staring up at the ceiling fan, slowly rotating and providing a slight breeze to circulate through the room. Logan closes his eyes and rubs the inner corners from beneath his black glasses. The entire situation made little to no logical sense. He had went over everything Thomas had been doing before his ‘change’. His sleep schedule, eating habits, personal hygiene, heath, ect. Everything was fine and, frankly, was getting better but now he only layed in bed and refused to do much of anything. Simply getting up to find easy sustenance for the day before going back to bed in an endless cycle of napping, watching television, and trips to the kitchen and/or bathroom. It was more than frustrating for Logan to see his plan for better efficiency for his host go to waste after so much effort to perfect it with the addition of personal time for dreams, ambitions, and ever confusing human heart. Having concluded very early into his investigation that Thomas’ new issue was not something as a result of his health, he easily turned to Anxiety. He was the most likely culprit for the host’s new increased depressive behavior. However, approaching the side about this issue was utterly useless due to his very similar actions. It was normal for Virgil to stay cooped up in his room for days on end and for the rest of them to only see him when Patton forced the boy to eat with them or when they were called by their host, but whenever one of them would knock on the door to his room, he would always answer. Even if it was inevitably closed again without more than a few words exchanged, he would still answer. Though, now he hasn't opened the door once. Patton has left food for him a number of times but it was always left uneaten and Logan could only assume he came out late at night to find food while they all slept. None of them have spoken to Virgil since this entire… situation started. Glancing at a white clock on the wall, Logan sighs. 

 

_ 11:26. _

 

How was he supposed to keep up a proper sleep schedule with all this happening? It worried him. One of the potentially troublesome side effects that Logan had developed over the course of becoming more self aware is the development of emotion. It was to a much lesser degree in comparison to someone like Patton who was practically the embodiment of all of their host’s emotions, but they were still very much there. Logan had begun to notice that he was increasingly more aware of how he was ‘feeling’ and when he realized that he was developing these emotions, it scared him a bit. Yet another emotion that was getting in the way of his productivity. Logan stands and stretches a bit, raising his arms above his head before turning to his door and opening it to the commons. The commons looked practically identical to Thomas’ apartment with the exception of there being four doors in strange places. The door leading to his room was positioned beside the stairs that led up to a single door- this door led to Virgil’s room- while Patton and Roman’s doors were placed where the window and TV would be, respectively. They still had a television but it was sitting a bit forward and away from the wall to avoid disrupting the door to Roman’s room. As soon as he opened his door, he could see that the light was on in the kitchen and Roman sat at the counter, looking into a mug of something. Roman had heard Logan open the door which caused him to look up and give a small smile of acknowledgement before letting it fade and staring back into the cup, intensely. Logan was very new to the concept of emotions but it was more than obvious that something was bothering the prince and Logan refused to let this oppressive atmosphere continue any longer.

 

“Is something troubling you, Roman?” He asks, taking a seat opposite the prince.

 

It was now that he could tell that he was drinking coffee. It was strong enough to smell from where he was sitting but either the caffeine hasn't kicked in yet, or he hadn’t taken a single drink because Roman looked nothing less than exhausted.

 

“I’m just worried.” He sighs, tracing a finger along the rim of the white mug.

 

“About anything in particular?”

 

“Virgil. And Thomas.”

 

_ Virgil. _ Not a nickname. Just  _ Virgil _ .

 

“I’m sure this will pass. We simply have to be patient and available for when Thomas and Virgil are in a state that they can let us assist them.”

 

Roman sighs, seemingly a tad comforted by his words but the truth was that Logan was just as worried about them as he was.Though, there was no way for Logan to truly know just how worried Roman was. It was ridiculous how heavy his chest felt when he thought of his host and even of the dark persona that was always locked away in the room at the top of the stairs like a tower. Of course, being the prince he was, Roman couldn’t help but feel inclined to save the dark prince up in his tower but there was a problem. There wasn’t a treacherous climb to the top, not an evil stepmother keeping him bound there, nor a dragon witch for him to slay. It was a beast that was unseen and impossible for him to help rid from this world. This was something he had no experience in and that fact only made him more worried for the fellow personality. 

 

“I need to talk to him.” Roman replies after a short moment of silence.

 

Logan only sighs and stands from his seat.

 

“By all means, you can try, but you may want to wait until tomorrow.” He chuckles, pointing to the digital clock on the oven.

 

Roman nods as Logan reaches his door.

 

“Oh, also, you shouldn’t drink coffee this late at night.” 

 

Roman lets out a small laugh and rolls his eyes as Logan retreats for the night and Roman- albeit slowly- decides to do the same.

 

~~~

 

The thoughts accelerate inside Virgil’s head. He wants them to slow so he can breathe but they won't. His breaths come in gasps and the blood in his veins feel like they’re freezing and causing his skin to go numb and throb. His heart hammering inside his chest like it belongs to a rabbit running for its skin. The room spins and he squats on the floor, trying to make everything slow to something his brain and body can cope with. He feels so sick. He wants to call for help but it’s too late for that, it's too late, it's too late. He doesn’t know who to call for, why would they come, who to call, too late, breathe, breathe, breathe, gone, why come, too late... blackness... creeping blackness... He lays on the floor in a ball. Where is he, what's his name, who to call, why would they come, the stairs are too steep, the room is spinning...blackness...  
  
Hot tears roll down his face and into the rough carpet he lays on. Slowly, the racing thoughts subside and Virgil stands, a bit wobbly. He collapses into the bed and curls under the covers, feeling strangely warm but cold at the same time.  
  
_He just wants to sleep._

 

~~~

 

Loud knocking wakes Virgil from his restless sleep and he turns over in bed to glance at the digital clock on his bedside table.

 

_ 8:24 _

 

It’s always like time slips through his fingers but moves painfully slow. A horrid combination of an awareness of the passage of time but disregard of all of its importance.

 

“Virgil? Are you up?”

 

Roman’s voice sounds muffled but worried all the same from behind the door. It was strange how the prince had come by fairly often over the past few days (How long had it been exactly?) to check on him. Considering that the persona had never really liked him before, the fact that he seemed so worried about him was enough to make Virgil chuckle in spite of himself. All he had to do was disappear for a few days for the prince to care? Why did he care in the first place? Roman had always disliked whenever Virgil shot down one of his ideas because it was ‘too dangerous’ and would always yell, a bit frustrated, things like, “Live a little!” and  “You can’t possibly be that angsty, can you?”. Normally, Virgil never let this get to him- well, never let it show that it got to him- and just moved on with whatever stupid plan the creative personality had come up with only to watch it crash and burn. He reserved times like those to tease him mercilessly, but there were times when the prince’s plan would go off without a hitch. This is when he would get the most ridiculous shit-eating grin on his face. Truly, they didn’t need him around to tell them what was a good or bad idea because they usually ended up doing whatever it was anyway, completely ignoring his advice. This, of course, infuriated him and only made him feel more out of place. Still, they somehow convinced him things would be fine if Thomas just listened to him a little more. Just acknowledged him a little more. Made him feel heard.

 

It was nice.

 

For a moment.

 

Now, everything was ruined and it was all his fault. How could he have possibly done this to his host? As a facet of his personality, shouldn’t Virgil be protecting Thomas, not hurting him? I guess he wasn’t doing it on purpose but there was no excuse for hurting their host. How could he face the others? They would never forgive him for something like this. It would just be better to--

 

“Virgil? If you don’t answer, I’m going to have to bust this door down.”

 

Virgil groans. The door isn’t locked, in fact, none of their doors had locks, they simply respect each other’s privacy. Roman, busting the door down was a major overreaction. Even so, Virgil just curls farther under the covers and away from the possibility of facing one of the personalities he knew was going to hate him even more as soon as he found out. The door slowly creaked open and Roman stares at the lump underneath the dark purple covers. The room was much more colorful than you would expect. While the walls where a darker grey color, the various posters and album covers littering the walls gave the room hints of whites, reds, yellows, and purples. Roman walks forward and kneels next to the bed, poking the unmoving lump.

 

“Alright, Sunshine, you have to eat something.”

 

The lump, formally known as Virgil, doesn’t flinch. Roman refuses to let the little emo--

 

“What do you want, Roman?”

 

The boy’s voice sounded hoarse and weak, possibly from crying. Roman can tell that Virgil immediately regrets his decision to speak an only tightens his hold on the covers. Something in his heart breaks when he hears how broken the boy sounds. They have had their differences in the past but actually having a conversation with Virgil had done wonders for their relationship, or so he thought.

 

~~~   
  


“Virgil!” Roman called before the persona reached his room.

 

The boy turned on his heel with a huff.

 

“Look Romano, you don’t like me and that’s fine. I won’t get in the way anymore.” He stated very matter of factly and turned again to signal the end of the discussion before Roman grabbed his wrist to stop him.

 

“I meant everything that I said.”

 

Virgil turned with a bewildered look.

 

“You really do make us better. Please don’t ever think that you aren't one of us, because you are.”

 

Roman can remember how confused and almost terrified the side looked. Virgil couldn’t understand how the manifestation of Thomas’ creativity and dreams could ever think that someone like him belonged with them. He knew that he was just a burden to them. The prince had to be lying. 

 

Roman watched the wall Virgil had built to protect himself slowly dissipating due to his words. The boy had begun to shake violently and in a desperate effort to comfort him, Roman had grasped Virgil by the shoulders and held onto him as if he would shatter if he didn’t.

 

“You’re lying. You wouldn’t change your opinion of me so quickly. You’re just tolerating my presence for Thomas’ sake.” Virgil choked out.

 

“No, I was just too stubborn to admit I was wrong. You are worth so much more than you give yourself credit for.”

 

The wall  _ crumbled _ .

 

It was like all the strength in Virgil’s body gave way and he let himself fall. Roman had caught him a bit and slowed his decent to his knees and kneeled with him, worried for the fragile persona. Virgil had always been so self-conscious when he cried but now he just gave way to the enormity of his grief. He sobbed into his hands and the tears dripped between his fingers, raining down in hot streams. His breathing was ragged, gasping and shaky. He was noisy, his skin was blotched but he couldn't care less. He was tired. The kind of tired that wasn’t sleepy-tired, just… tired... of everything. Roman rubbed the dark boy’s shoulders with wide, worried eyes. 

 

_ This was the first time Roman had ever seen Virgil cry. _

 

The prince situated himself next to Virgil and pulled the crying mess into him, letting Virgil clutch to his red sash for support and bury his sobs into the other’s chest. While Roman was surprised by the sudden overflow of emotion, he didn’t intend to let Virgil think he was wrong to let his wall come down and be vulnerable sometimes. However, Virgil hated this. This was one of the dark boy’s side effects from becoming more self aware; it was harder to hide his pain from the others. He hated it. The one thing he could do right was at least keep the others in the dark and not let them know just how much of a complete mess he is. Yet another thing to add to his resume of failures.

 

“Please breathe, Virgil…” Roman pleaded.

 

Slowly, Virgil’s breathing slowed and he began rebuilding the wall. Wiping the tears away and standing up. He looked numb and broken and all the prince wanted to do was take the pain away. Somehow, slay that dreaded beast weighing down on the dark prince’s shoulders and causing him to doubt everything about himself. He wanted nothing more than to see Virgil smile again.

 

“Sorry, I’ll go now.”

Before Roman could stop him, Virgil made it to his room and shut the door, closing out any and all reality that threatened to make him crumple again.

 

To his surprise, Virgil came out of his room much more frequently over the next week. He had even joined the others in a Disney marathon one night. Roman thought that after that moment in the hallway, he had finally gotten through to the dark personality, even seeing him smirk and return to his snide remarks about the said Disney movies. But now, the prince wasn’t even sure he was eating at all.

 

~~~

 

“Virgil.” Roman says again, grasping what he believes to be the lump’s shoulder and shaking him gently.

 

He hears a defeated sigh before a mess of purple hair make its way from under the covers as Virgil sits up in bed. Roman notes how pale the side actually is. He had figured that the boy applied the pale foundation along with the dark shadows under his eyes every morning but he was naturally much paler than himself and the other two personalities. He also noticed that he already had dark circles his eyes without the eyeshadow, as well. He didn’t look well.

 

“I’m not hungry, Princey.” He huffs, sounding a bit more hostile than broken this time.

 

Roman frowns and places the inside of his wrist to the personas forehead, much to Virgil’s surprised and discomfort. He was burning up. Worrying about others more than himself soon revealed itself to be the byproduct of Princey’s own self awareness and with having confirmed that the boy was running a fever, Roman calls for backup.

 

“Logan! Patton!”

 

Virgil glares at the prince and tries to shoo him out of the room but the two other sides reached the top of the stairs much faster than the dark personality had expected.

 

“What’s wrong, kiddo?” Patton asks, entering the room with the same joyous pep he exudes practically all the time.

 

Roman turns away from the still glaring Virgil to address the other two, obviously curious about the new development. Why wouldn’t they be? They haven’t been able to get anything out of Virgil for days and here Roman was, calling for them.

 

“Ethan over here is sick.” Roman sighs.

 

“Ethan?” Virgil questions, not quite understanding the nickname.

 

“Ethan? From Emo the Musical?” Roman asks, almost desperate that one of the other side would get the reference only to disappointed with more confused glances.

 

“You guys have no appreciation for theater.” He huffs.

 

“Anyway, what do you mean, ‘Virgil is sick?’” Logan questions as Patton makes his way over to the bed and checks the temperature of  the boy from himself.

 

“Why didn’t you tell us earlier, Virgil?” The moral persona scolds.

 

Virgil lays back down and turns away from the group, obviously not planning on giving them any answers. Roman bites his lip and searches his brain for something he could do. They could only assume that Virgil’s poor health is what is causing Thomas’ own troubles, so it was already in their best interest to help the side get better, but that was far from the reason the three of them were so worried; they care about Virgil, even if he doesn’t see it himself. Patton sighs sadly and turns to Logan and Roman.

 

“I’ll get some ice. Logan, would you mind seeing if we have any soup?”

 

“I’d be happy to.” Logan confirms, descending the stairs to the kitchen.

 

“You make sure he stays in bed, okay?”

 

Roman nods as Patton makes his way to the kitchen, himself. Next to Virgil’s bed, sits a black desk with a matching desk chair that the prince pulls out and sits in, watching the boy closely. He couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t come to them sooner about something as simple as a cold, but then again, this was Virgil- the literal embodiment of anxiety- they were talking about. Roman had only gotten sick once before and it was less than ideal but the others made him feel much better. Patton had found him sick in bed and wouldn’t let him get up to do anything and even threaten to tie him to the bed if he so much as thought about getting up. Logan had moved the television from the living room to his room, so that he could watch all of his Disney movies without incurring Patton’s wrath and even Virgil had come to stop by. It was more teasing than anything, but he kept him company and they rewatched some classics together. They all knew him so well and Roman wanted to repay the favor but it slowly occurred to him that he didn’t know much about the mysterious side beside his admittance to also enjoying Disney movies and the color purple. Everytime the prince would try to come up with something else he liked, it was always something that he just assumed to boy likes. He can remember Virgil mentioning Evanescence, My Chemical Romance, and Tumblr but beyond that, he was a bit clueless.

 

“I’m not leaving anytime soon, so you don’t have to stay.” Virgil grumbles in Roman’s direction.

 

“Well, I want to.” Princey replies.

 

Some more inaudible grumbles linger as the boy resituatutes himself underneath the comforter. Roman sighs and decides to make himself comfortable. Even if he doesn’t seem wanted, Virgil had stayed with him and filled the silence. He kept him from feeling lonely, confined to his bed, and the prince was determined to return the favor. It had taken a few minutes but Virgil’s body seemed to relax bit by bit as his breathing evened out. He was sleeping. It was probably for the best, anyway. The dark personality needed his rest in order to get better, right?  Roman took this moment to watch the creases in Virgil's face relax. It was hard to imagine that the boy could look so mean and dejected when and if you had the pleasure to see him sleeping. Roman would normally never be allowed in the room while Virgil was sleeping, at least that’s what Virgil normally makes sure of. He figured it was just the boy being his usual emo self, but he slowly realized that it was a barrier. When he sleeps, he’s vulnerable. It’s no wonder Roman had never seen the boy truly relaxed when he never let himself be vulnerable in front of any of them, save the one time in the hallway days prior. The mere fact Roman was watching over Virgil, sleeping, was a sign the anxious personality was not well enough to fight him off. Of course, that in itself is worrisome. Before the boy could even get a moment of rest, Virgil’s breathing quickened again and his body tensed back up. Startled, Roman stands and leans over Virgil in an effort to see his face. He was sweating and his expression was contorted to be painfully fearful but his eyes were still closed. He began fidgeting and hyperventilating and Roman sat on the edge of the bed, not sure what to do with himself.  _ A nightmare? _

 

~~~

 

Logan stood at the stove with a pot of soup as Patton reached the bottom of the stairs. He slowly made his way to the freezer to retrieve the ice he promised. Patton hoped the ice would help bring down his fever and possibly get Virgil back to his usual self in a day or two after some much needed rest. It was just so unusual for the sides to get sick. They were just parts of Thomas’ personality. He had thought it was weird when Roman had gotten sick as well, but he thought it was just a one time thing. Normally, it would be impossible for them to get ‘sick’ unless it was Thomas who was the one who was sick. This would in turn cause all of them to be sick at the same time but because only Virgil was sick, this was obviously not the same. In fact, it seemed like Virgil’s sickness is what is affecting Thomas. Patton could seem to remember Thomas having trouble focusing the day Roman was sick, but that only lasted for a day. This was bordering a week at this point. What was going on?

 

“Patton?”

 

Hearing Logan’s voice, Patton turns around and responds with a smile.

 

“What’s up, Logan?”

 

“The ice is melting.” 

 

Patton looks down at the washcloth with ice cubes packed inside. He was right. The cloth was slightly damp now and would soon beguin dripping if he didn’t do something quickly.

 

“I guess it's because _‘Ice’_ stood here for too long!” Patton chuckles, beginning to walk back to Virgil’s room and deliver the ice to Roman.

 

“Patton, you don’t have to do that.”

 

Logan knew that Patton was simply trying to brighten the mood like he usually does but this was an unusual situation and not everything is going to be as it always has been. Still, Patton didn’t have to be the strong one, right now. Logan had found out that Patton was losing control of his emotions. Of  _ Thomas’ _ emotions. This is another one of those peculiar side effects all of them had somehow developed. Still, Patton continued to resist it because Thomas wouldn’t be able to get anything done if he couldn’t pull himself together. Logan hates that Patton has to bare the burden alone.Of course the side was irrational at times and just plain ridiculous the other half, but he was probably the strongest of them all. He is the eldest, after all.

 

“But I do, Logan. It’s my job to protect you kiddos and Thomas. No matter what.” Patton states, careful to sound as calm as possible.

 

“We might not know what is causing this at the moment but I am sure that we will be able to figure it out and--”

 

“And what, Logan? I have no idea what is going on or how to protect all of you. How am I supposed to do any of this?” Patton snaps, turning back to Logan, melted ice dripping from the cloth now.

 

Patton instantly regrets his words when he sees the look in Logan’s eyes. It wasn’t fear or anger, just pity. Almost like a longing that Patton wasn’t sure was truly there or not. Logan was worried. Roman was worried. Patton was worried. Being Thomas’ morality, Patton developed first. Thomas was just a child then. All he had to do was worry about food and playing games. It was simple. Once Thomas entered school, Logan manifested, shortly followed by Roman. The three of them dictated Thomas’ decision making together until about middle school. This is when Virgil had begun to take part in the decision making. Since then, the four of them took over as the main sides of the host’s personality. It wasn’t until much later that Thomas had figured out he could summon the facets. It was a strange afternoon.

 

“I wasn’t saying that your concern isn’t valid because it very much is. I am simply bringing to light the fact that this will all work out. Somehow.” Logan tries, softening his tone as to not distress the elder side.

 

“That’s not very logical of you…” Patton chuckles.

 

“Trust me, I know.” Logan laughs in return.

 

“Patton! Logan!”

 

The call was desperate and definitely Roman’s voice. The two sides glance at each other before darting up the stairs to reach Virgil’s room.

 

~~~


	2. Pistanthrophobia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Word Count: 3991

Once Logan and Patton reached the door, they could tell something was very wrong. Peering through the doorway, Roman sits on Virgil's bed, holding onto a thrashing Virgil for dear life. Virgil kept struggling to get away, sweating, hyperventilating, and whimpering in his sleep. Quickly, the other two personas were at Roman’s side, grasping the boy’s feet and arms to restrain him in an effort keep him from hurting himself. Up close, Patton could see that Roman was practically on the verge of tears. The prince had been skeptical about Virgil since he showed up so long ago but now, his perspective had completely changed. Patton could go on and on about how proud he was of Roman for putting their differences aside and that Virgil had made an effort to come out of his shell a bit more but right now, he needs to wake Virgil up.

 

“Virgil! Hey, kiddo! Wake up, now!” He calls desperately, tapping the boy’s cheek just hard enough to hopefully wake him up.

 

Virgil just continues to thrash around, struggling in their grasp like if he didn’t get away he might die. Logan had already begun analyzing the symptoms that Virgil was expressing and he could only imagine this was a ‘night terror’. By definition, night terrors are a form of sleep disorder in which a person partially awakens from sleep in a state of terror. A sufferer of night terrors experiences an activation of his or her fight-or-flight system. While this was more commonly present in children, it was even more odd for a side to even develop such a disorder. Then, considering that this was Anxiety, it had to be heightened and because the sufferer may still be partially asleep during a night terror, they can be inconsolable and unaware of their surroundings. They may also have no memory of the episode when they awaken. In other words, there was nothing they could do for Virgil.

 

“Logan, why isn’t he waking up?” Roman asks, struggling against Virgil’s frantic thrashing.

 

“We can’t do anything. We simply have to wait this out.” Logan replies, hesitantly.

 

“What do you mean, ‘We can’t do anything’? There has to be some way we can help Virgil!” Patton pleads.

 

Logan just shakes his head, wishing there was a better solution. Some sort of way to help and ease the boy’s panic but they were truly helpless in this situation.

 

“This is a night terror. While he is still partially asleep, we can’t help him. We just have to wait for the episode to end.”

 

Roman hated that Logan was probably right. He hated that he couldn’t do anything to help. He was supposed to be a prince, right? Yet, he couldn’t help a friend in his time of need. Roman grips Virgil's arm tighter, keeping it in place. He tries to think of something,  _ anything _ he can do to at least ease the tension.

 

“Under your spell again...”

 

_ Good Enough by Evanescence. _

 

It was the only song by them that Roman knew. It’s soft and it’s about love, so possibly that is why Roman liked it. He had been walking up to Virgil's room to offer him dinner one night when he heard it it from behind the door. Usually, the music playing wasn’t really to Roman’s tastes but this one seemed to capture the prince’s attention. Virgil had been softly humming along at the time.

 

“I can’t say no to you.” Roman continues.

 

Logan and Patton watched Roman sing slightly in awe. It wasn’t what they were expecting, Through this- for lack of a better word- stressful situation, Roman had managed to calm the two older sides. Virgil still thrashed around but it seemed less forceful than before as they all sit and listen to Roman sing. It sounded different… somehow. Roman’s typical songs of choice were Disney songs and this was obviously not one. This confused Logan but more than anything, the fact that Roman knew a song that sounded so dark but calming by heart was surprising. However, the logical side decided to push those thoughts away and just focus on Virgil and the song.

 

Slowly, Virgil calmed. It was possibly halfway through the song but it seemed none of them wanted to let go of Virgil just yet. Possibly a fear that the terror wasn’t over or they were lost in the song. Either way, they continued to hold onto Virgil and Roman continued to sing.

 

“And I’m still waiting for the rain to fall…”

 

“Why are you singing an Evanescence song?”

 

The voice sounded so confused and slightly irritated. Roman looks down to see a still distressed Virgil looking up at him with a eyebrow raised.

 

“Virgil!” Patton announces, immediately pulling the tired boy into the tightest hug he’d ever had. 

 

Virgil simply huffs and lets Patton crush him, possibly due to exhaustion or simply giving up on personal space when Patton is around.

 

“How are you feeling, Virgil?” Logan asks, clearing his throat.

 

“Like absolute crap. Why?”

 

“Do you often wake up sweating and hyperventilating?” Logan continues to interrogate.

 

“Well, yeah. I’m ‘anxiety’, remember?” Virgil rolls his eyes, slowly trying to slip out of Patton’s grasp much to the father figure’s disappointment. 

 

“You were having a night terror, kiddo...” Patton sighs.

 

He was so concerned for the youngest’s well being. Having to hold Virgil down as he tried to get away was more heartbreaking than Patton ever wanted to admit. He felt so helpless. Helpless and guilty. That was probably the worst part. He felt so guilty for not being able to stop whatever was happening.

 

“Yeah. I get those sometimes. Why else do you think I make sure to never fall asleep around you guys?” 

 

It wasn’t a lie. He did get night terrors every so often and this was the main reason he refused to fall asleep in front of the other sides. Virgil refused to lie to the others, even if the information would damn himself.

 

“More importantly, why do you know an Evanescence song?” Virgil turns to Roman who goes slightly pink with embarrassment.

 

“Well, I heard some of it when I went to get you for dinner one day and looked it up. It’s actually a very good song.” Roman replies, rubbing the back of his neck.

 

“Alright, but why sing it now?” Virgil continues.

 

“Because…”

 

It was a spur of the moment decision at its core but Roman knew Virgil wouldn’t accept that as an answer.

 

“I remember you saying that Evanescence is you favorite band and you seemed… distressed, we were all worried…” Roman trailed off.

 

“Pft. You’re really are a prince…” Virgil scoffs, a soft smirk pulling at the corners of his lips.

 

“Here, lay down.” Patton insists, placing the cloth with mostly melted ice to his forehead.

 

“Oh, shi--” Logan whispers under his breath and rushes from the room without explanation.

 

The three sides left in the room exchange confused glances before Logan returns with a bowl of soup.

 

“I nearly overcooked it…” Logan mumbles handing the bowl over to Patton for him to force feed the anxious side.

 

“Why didn’t you just manifest the soup?” Virgil asks, obviously very uncomfortable with the amount of attention he is receiving.

 

“Patton insisted that it be made by hand. Something about it tasting better when made with love.” Logan explains.

 

Virgil scoffs at the sentiment and reluctantly opens his mouth for Patton to place the spoon. He couldn’t believe Logan of all people did something as inefficient as physically boiling the canned soup simply at Patton’s request. They were all just aspects of a personality, so things like eating and sleep weren’t necessary for survival- in fact they couldn’t die unless Thomas did- but manifesting in the physical realm did take energy. Food and rest could replenish the side’s energy but it was Thomas’s overall well being the determined how healthy a side is. That said, Virgil could tell just by looking at him, Logan was deciphering all of the things that could be affect Thomas that would cause Virgil to not only be uncharacteristically sick, but also have night terrors. Not to mention being the only one of the sides with these problems.

 

“It’s not Thomas’s fault.” Virgil mutters in between spoonfuls of soup, glancing up at the logical side.

 

“What do you mean? Do you have any insight into the issue?”

 

Virgil sighs. Of course he did. Of course he was the one who knew what was causing their host so much discomfort. The problem was that he didn’t want the sides to hate him; however selfish it was. They had just begun to get along. He had just started to open up and now this happened. Still, anything to protect his host.

 

“I...” 

 

Virgil just couldn’t seem to force the words out. They got stuck in his throat like his entire being was against the idea of revealing the possibly damning information.

 

“Kiddo…?” Patton asks, spoon halted in midair.

 

He wanted to say that it didn't matter. He wanted to say that it was fine. He wanted to say that it wasn’t anything to worry about, but that would be a lie.

 

“It… has been taken care of…”

 

The three older sides stare back at Virgil, eyes portraying an array of different emotions. Patton looked shocked and worried while Logan was confused and irritated by his own confusion and Roman seemed confused, like Logan, but almost hurt.

 

“What makes you say that?” Logan asks, much more suspicious this time.

 

“Just forget it.” Virgil forces out, gnawing on the inside of his cheek, staring back into Logan’s eyes in an almost challenging manner.

 

“I don’t believe I need to remind you but we are all responsible for protecting Thomas and keeping vital information about his well being is not something I would recommend…” Logan warns.

 

Virgil bites his lip. He can’t. It was best if they just… didn’t ask. Virgil falls silent and looks away, decidedly losing their staring contest and fiddling with the hem of his purple shirt. Logan sighs.

 

“I hope you’ll tell us sooner rather than later.”

 

With his last bit of advice, Logan heads to the door. Roman sits in awe of the scene that unfolded. The atmosphere was nowhere near light but it was filled with relief when Virgil had woke up but now, it was oppressive again. Virgil was hiding something but they knew better than to push the topic with him. Virgil- being Anxiety- has some more than obvious trust issues so, much like his name, Virgil will tell them when he is ready.

  
~~~

 

Logan reaches his room and closes the door, letting out a frustrated groan once he believes the coast is clear. 

 

“Still so stubborn…” He mutters walking to his desk and picking up a tablet and switching it on. 

 

Each side has a job- a role- that helps their host function properly and Logan was to distracted this morning to get around to his. Logan, you see, is in charge of memories. He goes through memories and decides which ones are worth saving a which are not as important. Of course, this hardly seemed like Logan’s department because the memories often had a ridiculous amount of emotion attached to each one. This was probably due to the fact that Patton is the most prominent persona of them all. He has always had the most influence on Thomas’s everyday actions. That is why, instead of just being the keeper of knowledge, Patton insisted that Logan take on sorting the memories as well. Before he was assigned to do this, Patton handled it along with managing Thomas’s emotion, being the eldest side, and the most prominent. This was a lot for one side to handle, so Logan had offered to help in anyway he could and ended up taking over the memory sorting for the father figure. He was apprehensive to say the least but with a crash course in important emotions, Logan has gotten used to holding onto strange memories that, logically, had no business staying. Perhaps his new found emotions have helped him in this regard as well but of course it could be the other way around and the memories is what caused the new emotions to take root in the first place. Either way, Logan took pride in his work and was always determined to do his best work. The display on the tablet was simple. Just videos of various happenings from Thomas’s point of view and a few comments on what the significance of what each particular memory could hold, added by Logan himself a few days ago. The tablet was something of his own creation. He had, at first, made it for himself to keep track of all of the information and to make easier on himself, but the other sides- namely Roman- insisted that they needed their own tablets to carry out their duties. Logan ended up fairly content with the final product and it did make their lives much easier. The tablets weren’t need because Logan, for example, could simply teleport to Thomas’s subconscious to look through the memories but the tablet made it simple to navigate and it also let him do so in the comfort of his own room. 

 

This was very appealing to Roman as his role was to oversee all of Thomas’s dreams. Not the dreams as in ambitions, but dreams that were the fantastical battles between knights and dragon witches as Thomas slept. Truly, this was what Roman was made to do. He loved creating the new stories and settings for Thomas to venture through as he got the required sleep that he needs and it was when Roman had the most control. It was like daydream mode, but somehow worse because they couldn’t escape it by simply sinking down. 

 

Patton had enjoyed being able to use the tablet to gauge the emotions quickly and adjust them appropriately. He would let Thomas feel sad and happy and frustrated but it was his job to keep it balanced and all in moderation. Logan can attest to the tablet’s effectiveness in helping Patton reach the balance that Thomas needs much faster than previously possible.

 

Then, there was Virgil. He was in charge of controlling Thomas's fears and worries. Part of Logan thought he only wanted a tablet so that he could listen to music through it as he worked but Virgil seemed to take the job very seriously. He managed to keep Thomas out of  some very obviously awkward situations and kept him from jumping in front of cars and even worked with Roman on occasion. The anxious side would suggest adding a certain irrational fear into the dream in hopes of letting Thomas- and possibly himself- face the fear in a safe way. Due to disagreements, the dream would shift from a scary dream to a nightmare, but it was something that could be quickly remedied. Logan simply deleted the memory of the nightmare. Of course, he couldn’t go deleting memories all the time. This could possibly cause Thomas to reach a state of amnesia and could damage him long term, so Logan only deleted memories out right when it was absolutely necessary. Besides that, he would let them slowly drift from Thomas mind and he would forget them naturally.

 

Logan continuous scroll through the memories when he stops. There's a gap. In almost to our gap without any memories. Even the times while Thomas slept was replaced with the memory of a dream Roman had created. Logan studies it a bit closer and finds the date. 

 

_ One day before Thomas began hiding in his room. _

 

Logan's breath hitches and his eyebrows knit together,

 

Why what's a memory missing?

 

“Are you sure everything's okay, kiddo?”

 

Virgil waves Patton off. After Logan had left, the parent had continued to force-feed him and the three sides sit in silence.

 

“Why won't you tell us what's going on? You obviously know something.” Roman asks, standing from a seat.

 

Virgil remains silent, trying to hide under the covers. Roman huffs in frustration, crossing his arms. He couldn't understand why the boy couldn't tell him. They were all on the same team, right? But, the prince couldn't bring himself to be angry with him. He looks down at the lump, curled up and refuses to look at either of them. His eyes look sad, and almost ashamed. Romans sighs and chalks it all up to the boy being his usual angsty self and left the room. 

 

Patton still sits on the edge of Virgil's bed.

 

“I won't push the subject so please come to us when you feel ready.”

 

Patton stands and heads to the door with the bowl and spoon in hand before stopping and looking back.

 

“Get better, kiddo.” He calls, leaving the room and shutting the door.

 

Virgil releases shaky breath he didn't realize he was holding. The lump in his throat dissipates a bit. Virgil wanted to tell them, but he knew it would only hurt them more. Still, he stands on shaky legs. For some reason the soup wasn't agreeing with him. The boy makes his way to the connected bathroom however, before he can get there, his vision goes blurry and he can feel his knees buckle.

 

~~~

 

“Patton?” Logan calls, walking into the commons. He spots Patton and baking in the kitchen.

 

Patton and bakes when he's upset.

 

“Need something, Logan?”

 

Logan takes the seat at the counter and slides his tablet over. 

 

Patton stops and shifts between glancing at the display and looking worriedly at the logical side. He cautiously picks it up and study is it.

 

“When is this from?”

 

“A few days ago.”

 

Patton sighs and goes back to baking.

 

“Patton.  _ Two hours _ are missing.”

 

“I see that.”

 

“ _ Patton _ .”

 

“ **I know** .” 

 

Patton stops, looking worried and frustrated. He knew what this meant. It was scary because he knew that Virgil probably had something to do with it. Logan runs a hand through his hair.

 

“Is this why Thomas's emotions are a mess?”

 

Patton nods.

 

“Why would he…” Patton trails off as Roman exits his room, looking at as dejected as the rest of the sides.

 

“Why are you two looking at me like that?” The prince asks.

 

“Some of Thomas's memories are missing.” Logan explains, fixing his glasses.

 

Roman’s eyes widen.

 

“‘Missing’ I guess that means you didn't…” The prince trails off as Logan shakes his head in response.

 

“Virgil…” The prince mutters, just above a whisper.

 

He darts up the stairs quickly followed by the two older sides. They reach the door to Virgil's room and Roman pushes it open, neglecting to knock.

 

“Virgil!” he yells, seeing the boy laying on the floor. 

 

He kneels next to him and flips him over onto is back. Patton joins them, worried, while Logan checked his pulse.

 

“Just unconscious.”

 

“But his hands are like ice.” Roman points out.

 

“Carry him to the bed.” Patton instructs and the royal nods, lifting the boy. 

 

Patton turns to the dresser in the corner and notices the familiar hoodie hanging on one of the knobs. The father retrieves it and brings it over to Virgil. With Logan and Roman’s help, he puts the jacket on the boy and covers him with the heavy comforter.

 

“What is going on, Logan?”

 

Roman sounds panicked and Logan can't blame him.

 

“A side can use a force wipe to remove memories from a host. However, all the main aspects must agree to it in order for the wipe to take place. It's normally only used in emergency situations; traumatic events and such but without my knowledge, two hours are missing from Thomas's memory.”

 

“Then what's wrong with Virgil?” Roman asks.

 

“I-I… I don’t--”

 

“Virgil forced the wipe himself.” Patton whispers.

 

“But how is that possible?” Logan questions.

 

He had begun pacing.

 

“Because he's anxiety. He can force a wipe only once, because it... because it drains him.” Patton’s voice cracks towards the end of his explanation.

 

Logan had stopped pacing and Roman stared back at Patton.

 

“Then is he…”

 

Patton nods, tears streaming down his cheeks.

 

Roman looks back down at the anxious boy. He knew what Logan meant.

 

**_Virgil is fading._ **

 

Virgil blinks, scowling at the sunlight invading his vision.

 

“Virgil?”

 

It was Roman.

 

Virgil tries to roll over but whoever was sitting on the bed was constricting his movement and received an angry ground due to his entrapment.

 

“Why did you do a force wipe.”

 

Virgil's eyes shoot open and he sits up. Patton's tear-stained face, looking so upset with him. It made Virgil shrink.

 

“I asked why, Virgil.” 

 

Patton is firm out of love and worry. Virgil knows that, but it still hurts. He knew it would. Virgil opens his mouth to answer but it only falls closed again.

 

“Virgil! You realize what is happening, don't you?” Patton and grabs Virgil’s shoulders firmly.

 

“Of course I do.” He mutters.  

 

“Then why?” Patton's voice cracks again.

 

“To protect Thomas.” Virgil's voice only grows weaker.

 

Logan steps up.

 

“From what? It is, to my knowledge, only possible for you to wipe the memory, not the emotion. What caused Thomas it feels so much…”

 

“Despair.” Patna finishes, brushing a straight ear away.

 

Virgil knew this was going to happen. He just hoped it wouldn't. He hoped the other sides would find out too late. Even though that was a bit selfish.

 

“Amali. She died.”

 

The other side's gaspin surprise. Amali was one of Thomas’s childhood friends. She was living in California and Thomas made an effort to see her whenever he have the time, which was a rare occurrence nowadays.

 

“She was in an accident. Her mom called Thomas and told him.” Virgil explains.

 

Virgil looks up to gauge the damage. Roman had both his hands clasped over his mouth and wide eyes. Logan was standing with his fist clenched and to stare daggers into the floor. 

 

_ Patton. _

 

Patton stared at Virgil- less at and more through- as tears escaped his eyes and streams. Virgil winces at the look in their eyes. He was simply won't waiting for them to recover so that they could yell at him for being irresponsible. For not consulting them first. For overreacting. For everything.

 

“Virgil!” Patton sobs uncontrollably.

 

The action surprised him but what happened next surprised him more.

 

”No.” Roman growls, punching a fist into the wall. It didn't break but that is simply because they were in Thomas’s mind and not the physical world.

 

“No?” Virgil asks, hesitantly.

 

“Yes, ‘no’! I’m not going to let this happen!” Roman practically yells.

 

“What happen?” Virgil asks again, confused.

 

“Let you fade. We may have lost Amali, but we refuse to lose you, too.” Logan explains, looking more determined than Virgil had ever seen him.

 

“You…” Virgil trails off for a moment but stops himself and sighs.

 

“I don't see the point but knock yourselves out.”

 

“What do you mean?” Roman questions, almost angrily.

 

“It's not a big deal. I'll be replaced almost immediately, you don't have to worry about Tho--” 

 

The pain was sudden and unexpected. Virgil brings his hand to his left cheek where it stung.

 

“Roman!” Patton exclaims.

 

Roman had slapped him. 

 

Virgil looks up to see Roman is crying.

 

“Stop it! We don't want you to die, Virgil!”

 

“I can't die. I'll just be replaced by a new version of me.”

 

“We don't want a new version! We want  **Virgil** !” Roman sobs out. 

 

When a side fades, a replacement appears and looks identical to the original. The difference is the side’s name and sometimes their attitude. It was very rare for a side to fade, so Virgil doesn't know much about it. Still, Logan has said that because of this, that makes their names special. It gives them a sort of identity as an aspect.

 

“I'm sorry.”

 

The room full of deathly silent until Logan breaks it.

 

“I have a plan.”

 

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the angst continues!
> 
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated~ <3

**Author's Note:**

> I told y'all this was going to be angsty!
> 
> Thank you for reading~!  
> Kudos and comments are always appreciated and I hope to see you soon for the next chapter!


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